Last

In every trial, it is important to try to find the lesson that is being communicated to us through the trial.  Yes, trials are unpleasant but rest assured that if you are saved, if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, those trials will have an outcome that builds character, strength and faith.  Romans 5 says that tribulations create perseverance, perseverance creates proven character and proven character creates hope which does not disappoint!  Every trial should be dealt with with more faith than the previous trial.

So, what am I learning through this trial that I am currently in?  I am learning to be last, and be OK with it.  My wife has been semi-incapacitated since her surgery which makes me a live-in nurse.   Initially, I had to help her with everything from brushing her teeth to using the bathroom.  As time has passed, she has become increasingly stronger but sometimes she still needs assistance with every day stuff.  The thing is, we are not the only two in the house.  We have a fairly active family and both of our children are at the point where they detest simply sitting in the house all day, they want to get out and do things.  I have really had to step my game and my patience up because, at this point, there really are no breaks for me.  It is non-stop from the time I get up until I finally get a chance to lay down.  While I have had a ton of help from my mother-in-law and we have had numerous gifts from numerous people of food, cards and the like, the brunt of the work falls to me.

If I am sitting down to eat and Danielle calls because she needs something, I have to put my fork down and go to her side.  If the kids have made a mess of the house, which they always do, I have to take care of that.  Of course, I make them clean after themselves, but they never get it the way that I like to see it so I generally still have to go behind them.  When the clothes pile up, it's my job to wash ( I left out fold because my mother-in-law usually folds, LOL) them and whatever needs to get done in the house, it's up to me to do it.  Everyone's needs have come to the forefront and I have been forced to push my own needs to the back.

I am the last one to eat, the last one to get a shower, the last one to get dressed and the last one to go to sleep.  Initially it was frustrating until I had an epiphany that this is my lesson.  Jesus said that if anyone was to be first, they must become last.  Let's be clear here, I don't make myself last to become first in a selfish way, but in a hopeful way.  Although I am last, I am OK with that.  God made me a steward over my household and if I have to go without so that they don't have to go without, so be it.  If there is one slice of bread and I have to divide it three ways so that my wife and children eat at the expense of my own hunger, so be it.  This is the lesson that I am learning and that God is using this trial to teach me: humility. 

So in reference to everything that I said earlier and all of the things that I have to do to keep the house running, I say emphatically, "SO WHAT!"  Who cares if all of the duties fall to me?  Who cares if I have to be the last one to do everything?  Who cares?  That is what God has put me in the home to do!  He didn't put me there to be a king and have everyone serving me, he put me there to serve them!  Through His grace, God has entrusted two beautiful children and a beautiful wife to me, and I am one that does not deserve the gum off of the bottom of someone's shoe!  So, there are no longer complaints or grumbling, there is now simply the utterance of a phrase to myself, "put yourself last."  This is the essence of the Christian life.  Deny yourself, put your own desires last and be rewarded by God for your humility.  Be selfless and not selfish.  Be a servant before seeking to be promoted to master. 

If you are in a difficult circumstance, I am encouraging you to LISTEN to what that situation is saying to you.  Don't look so much at the problem, look at the lesson that the problem is trying to teach.  In every issue, there is something that can be taken away from it.  There is a colloquialism that we use that gets to the point a lot easier than I do, "look for the sliver lining in the cloud."  That's worldly wisdom, but James says it better.  In James 1:2-4, the bible says that we are to count it joy when our faith is tested because our endurance is increased which eventually makes us mature and complete Christians without deficiency.  If you are last, count it all joy.  If you have had to sacrifice for someone else's good, count it all joy.  If you are running out of steam because you are the burden bearer, count it all joy.  Be last, and be ok with it.